Category Archives: Banter

Red Band Trailer for Ted is F#@%ing Funny as S#&%

First of all, lets be honest… If you are from the west coast, you want to have a Boston accent. Its just the coolest shit ever – period. And you wish you could swear uncontrollably like its second nature like people from Boston do. And you also wish that people didn’t look at you in disgust when you’re swearing uncontrollably like its second nature in front of small children like people from Boston do. OK I made that last bit up, I’m not entirely sure that people from Boston swear in front of little children but hey, a guy can dream cant he!?

Mark Wahlberg stars as our favorite Boston-accented dudes dude in the Seth MacFarlanes feature film debut, Ted. The story centers around John (Mark Wahlberg) and his girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) who have been dating for quite some time. Lori wants to get a bit more serious and wants John to ask his beer swigging, swearing, dirty, pot smoking pervert of a roommate Ted to move out. The only catch is that Ted… is a Teddy Bear. That’s right, he is a Teddy Bear who has come to life as a result of a childhood wish. Actually, it doesn’t even matter why there is a live walking talking Teddy Bear. All that matters is that it is hilarious as all shit to see Mark Wahlberg and a Teddy Bear sit there and swear like sailors, talk about sex with women, smoke pot and make it look like its second nature. This movie is definitely going to be over the top, and I cant wait. I think Family Guy is an extremely funny show, and this seems like it is going to be everything Family Guy just can’t be on TV (for obvious reasons). And I think if anyone can pull this off, its Wahlberg. Just check out the red-band trailer below – the scene at the end with Wahlberg rattling off about 50 different female names is just about as hilarious as it gets.

Ted is set to open in the US on July 13th, 2012. I’m definitely looking forward to this one, and all the commotion that is sure to be following. I just hope that ToysRus will carry the talking pull chord version of Ted, because my 4 year old niece would love it.


Final TV Interview with Orson Welles Recorded Hours Before He Died

Listening to the rain, enjoying a cup of coffee and suffering from some writers block on the guitar I did what anyone would do, surf the Internets! While doing so I stumbled upon an awesome interview on Collider.com. The clip is from The Merv Griffin Show on October 10, 1985. Orson Welles is the guest, and at the age of 70, he discusses life, old age, youth, the luck he had in his career and the women he had in his life. The interesting thing about this interview is that mere hours later, Welles will suffer a heart attack and pass away.

I am not going to sit here and rant about how Orson Welles was brilliant and the best thing since sliced bread, how Citizen Cane was the best movie ever made, or how The War of The Worlds was the bees knees (which it was by the way). Because in all honesty, I am not very familiar with all the works of Welles and his career. But that doesn’t mean I do not know who he is and how to appreciate a good thing when I see it, and to respect it. No big long rant here, I cant say anything that would be more cool than how this man carries himself. Listen to the interview and enjoy the whit and wisdom.


This just in “Twins” sequel officially a GO, movie immediately ruined!

That’s right folks, the 1988 film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito is getting a sequel! And the folks over at Universal and Montecito Picture Co. have been working endlessly racking their brains to come up with a clever title for the film… and after tireless days and sleepless nights, tossing and turning, a 2 pack-a-day habit, and a couple games of Russian Roulette they finally settled on a title. A title I think might be the most clever title in the history of sequels. The sequel to Twins will be called… Triplets… (This is where you play the womp womp womp sound. Go ahead do it… I’ll wait).

But the name of the movie is the least of my concerns…

If you remember, Twins centers around Arnold’s character Julius who goes in search of his brother Vincent played by the always funny Danny DeVito. They are twins (get it?) as a result of an experiment; Julius is the perfect physical specimen and Vincent is a short small time crook. Arnold lifts up a car, sings funny songs, drives a car on two wheels, etc., etc., lots of hilarity ensues. I actually really like this movie, and I was totally excited when I saw an interview with Danny DeVito on Collider promoting Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax, and DeVito said he would be open to the idea of a Twins sequel! I thought hell yeah, be more sleazy Danny DeVito! Lift up more cars and be a charming womanizer old ass Arnold!

I was all sorts of excited. Then I read this news today from THR, where they provided an update on the details of the sequel. The movie will be called Triplets, because Arnold and DeVito discover they have a third sibling! ZING! WOWZA! How original… but OK I can live with that, I’m sure the movie will still be funny. But who will play this third sibling you ask? Well it has to be someone who can keep up with the physical presence and dry humor of Arnold and the quirkiness of Devito… someone who is on top of their game right now, someone really hot in Hollywood… I know… how about Eddie Murphy!!! (Go ahead and bring back the womp womp womp sound).

Larry, Curly, and Mr. Movie Killer

I don’t even know what to say about this… seriously I don’t. Eddie Murphy, the actor who was supposed to make a serious acting come back, who had about 15 minutes of screen time in Tower Heist, whose current movie A Thousand Words has a big fat ZERO rating on Rotten Tomatoes, who backed out of doing the Oscars… he will be the third sibling!? I couldn’t think of a better way to ruin this movie and for it to lose my interest immediately. Let me guess – Arnold is now a successful businessman, DeVito has turned away from the life of crime, and Eddie Murphy makes jokes because he’s black and they are white. The three of them have to go on an adventure to find their parents/scientists, get out of a jam, enter generic plot here, and it is funny because they are all different… GET IT!!!??? Oh boy, this should be one for the books. We will be sure to keep you posted with more plot details as they come up, but try not to be too upset with this news, that is my job. You concentrate on other things, and if you see someone begging for a dollar on the corner, tell Eddie you cant wait to see him in Triplets.


Open Invitation – We want your thoughts on The Hunger Games!

Now that The Hunger Games is breaking all sorts of records at the box office, and nearly half the entire population of the planet has seen the movie, it comes time for the reviews/criticisms and thoughts to start rolling in. We completed our review this weekend of the massive hit movie The Hunger Games on the latest podcast you can listen to here, or find it on iTunes. But it was interesting to see the consensus among the group was very split.

So I wanted to use this as an opportunity to get a better feel for what everyone else thinks, you, the pulse of America! What say you about the blockbuster that is The Hunger Games??? I am very surprised to see the critics raving about the movie (currently 85% on RT), while everyone I know who has read the books hated it, and those who haven’t read the books have mixed feelings. But I wanted to get some opinions from you, the listener, the viewer, the Cinema Recon-ite, about what you thought about the movie!

So this is a call to all of you reading, an open invitation to comment below and tell us your thoughts, rants & raves, opinions, all of it, about what you really thought of The Hunger Games. I really want to know what John Q. Movie-goer thinks about this movie. We will respond to all questions and comments – and let you know what we think! Happy commenting and may the comments always be in your favor… sorry I just had to do it!

Hungry Hungry Hunger Games.


The Curious Case of Jessica Chastain

This original idea for this piece was for me to catch up on and review the three Jessica Chastain performances that didn’t receive as much attention as her portrayals in The Help and Tree of Life. I got through The Debt well enough, but around the halfway point of Take Shelter a different angle occurred to me. It wasn’t until I finished with Coriolanus that the thesis solidified enough  and I decided to roll with that.

First, allow me to give you a brief rundown of the five films that Jessica Chastain was featured in throughout the course of 2011:

The Help: In which she plays a hopelessly inept housewife (suffering) who takes the credit for the food and work of her housekeeper played by Octavia Spencer (In her Oscar-winning role.) I written about this film before: not my favorite.

Tree of Life: In which she plays a 1960’s housewife (suffering). A loving wife and mother whose philosophy on life are the crux of the film’s major themes and lie in stark contrast to the beliefs of her husband (played by Brad Pitt.)

Tangent #1: Once in a blue moon there comes a film that perplexes me so fully that I literally have to watch the film over and over again as a sort of punishment or half-assed attempt to understand it. Mulholland Drive was the last film in which this happened. Tree of Life definitely falls under this category. Needless to say, the brief synopsis is pure conjecture and I feel a little stupid even writing it.

Coriolanus: In which she plays the wife (suffering) of the title character (Ralph Fiennes) and most deal with the fact that her husband’s relationship with his mother is a wee bit (to put it lightly) inappropriate.

Tangent #2: I love Shakespeare. One summer, I obsessively read and in some cases reread every single one of his plays. While, I don’t think this is news to anyone, but it bears repeating: Coriolanus, along with Titus Andronicus, may be the toughest to get through.

Take Shelter: In which she plays the wife (suffering) of a man whose laden schizophrenia is slowly bubbling to the surface.

Tangent #3: Man, Michael Sheen is a fucking great actor. If Michael Fassbender not getting an Oscar nomination for “Shame” was the biggest snub of the year, Sheen’s performance in Take Shelter may be the second biggest.

The Debt: In which she plays the younger version of Helen Mirren, who plays a former Israeli Intelligence Agent who has been keeping a very big secret. Oh yeah, and she’s the long-suffering wife of a fellow Intelligence officer.

Tangent #4: I had higher hopes for this movie, given the cast and the pedigree of the filmmakers behind it (Bill Madden directing, a screenplay by Matthew Vaughn.) It’s a perfectly watchable thriller, however, at about the halfway mark of the film, I found myself manicuring my Amazon wish list (It’s compulsive… I hope I’m not alone.)

Wait for it…read it again…see the pattern.

This may seem like I’m the first guy to knock what has been an extraordinary year for the lady, but I’m not. In fact, it’s just opposite. Looking at the broad strokes, the similarities are certainly there, but what Chastain has done with every performance is simply remarkable. She is able with great subtlety and economy to mine the different shades of the human condition as it pertains to women. While she has essentially played the same role in all five films, she has ranged from electric exuberance to unflinching resolve to extreme pain. If watched in succession, it’s not entirely impossible to think of Chastain’s five performances as one large all-encompassing performance.

With so much heat around her, the possibilities are endless as are the paychecks. At this point, the fork in the road is upon her. Turn one direction and you go by way of Kate Hudson and make one dispensable romantic comedy after another until you whither away into obscurity and are only known for which rock star you are currently fucking. Turn the other direction and co tine to make interesting choices, win a couple of Oscars and transform into the second coming of Meryl Streep. Selfishly, I hope she chooses the latter. I realize that’s a high bar to set, but after a year like the one Ms. Chastain had, it’s hard not to see it coming. In 2011, Ms. Chastain may very well have painted her masterpiece, what will she do for an encore?


The Many Faces of Johnny Depp

An official photo of Disney’s upcoming action/adventure film The Lone Ranger was released yesterday.  The remake of the 1950’s classic television show stars Armie Hammer as the Ranger himself, while Johnny Depp is his Native American sidekick Tonto:

Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer

My hat is hungry, Armie

I’m really starting to believe Johnny Depp will only do a movie if any of the following criteria are met:

  1. Tim Burton is involved
  2. Helena Bonham Carter appears
  3. Depp gets to wear an elaborate costume of some kind
  4. Depp gets to utter “Where’s the RUM!” at some point
  5. Free McDonald’s is provided

Truly we are a podcast divided when it comes to Johnny Depp:  I am a fan, Jake not so much.  I can absolutely understand why one would be turned away by him.  His loud, over the top, larger than life characters (especially lately) are spectacles that demand an audience’s attention.  If you are of the camp that believes less is more, you are certainly going to be annoyed while sitting through Pirates of the Caribbean.

But this is exactly why I enjoy Johnny Depp movies.  His is a craft that is not easily defined…something different every time he appears onscreen.  He has been at the point of A-list status for so long, he can choose any role he wants.  In doing so, he chooses some very bizarre characters.  To me, this truly embodies thespianism at its best.  Yes, I love and appreciate a strong, dramatic performance in a more grounded environment, but sometimes I’d rather get lost in a story that leaves realism at the door.  I welcome the fantastical set pieces, the whimsical plot lines, and the scene-chewing of characters like the one’s Depp has the luxury of portraying.

So I am of the opinion that this pic of Tonto is awesome.  Its ridiculous, overdone, and he has a goddamn bird on his head.  Fine with me.  Johnny Depp will take this wackiness and run with it, just as he does in every movie he’s in.  And at the end of the day, even if the movie is a flop, having Depp in the role will ensure a Tonto that is memorable and fun to watch.  Depp is quite good at his craft…whatever the hell that may be.

Does anyone even know what Johnny Depp actually looks like in person??


Your Honor, These Skittles should be Gold Plated!

How do we, as rational human beings, stand in a line and quietly pay for food  that is marked up 300% with no explanation given to us other than “because we can”?  Why do we not throw a fit of obscenities and revert into a primal state of rage, just tossing objects and people across the room?!?!  Who can possibly justify accepting a premise so absurd??

And yet, we do it all the time.  In airports, in Disneyland, and yes, in the cinema.  But finally, someone has the gall to stand up for the rest of us sheep!  The Detroit Free Press reports that one man is suing AMC Movie Theaters because their concessions are too high!  Nary a one of us shall again have to kneel over the guillotine and buy Twizzlers for $9.00!!  Or a medium Soda for $6.75!! (for just a quarter more you can make it a large and really, why the hell wouldn’t you?)

Okay, so maybe the insane popcorn prices aren’t going anywhere just yet, but I found this lawsuit particularly interesting, being that I spend quite a bit of my free time in a theater.  Certainly this case will be dismissed long before it gets any real traction.  If Law School has taught me anything, it’s that 99% of all suits will never see a day in court, whether they are dismissed or settled early on.  Basically, people sue over some of the wackiest shit.

So what then does this guy hope to accomplish?  It is pretty well-known that theaters make all their money from concession sales.  If they were mandated by law to sell their Goobers at minimum prices, what do you think is going to happen?  The ticket prices will go up!  Attacking the theaters, as crazy as those Milk Dud prices may be, is aiming a little too far down the root of the problem.  It’s the prices imposed by the film distributors in an already concentrated industry that are really driving the M&M costs through the roof (often distributors will charge 50-70% of a theater’s ticket revenues for the license of one film).

You could do what I do: get yourself a Jake of your very own and have him carry all those Sour Patch Kids in his cargo shorts.  He’s like a big, bearded purse that complains a whole lot.

Thanks to Cinema Blend for pointing this story out to the masses!


Drive soundtrack to be released in all sorts of awesomeness!

Don’t stare at me! That pretty much sums up the review that Paul and I did for the movie Drive staring Ryan Gosling, however it was one of our special unreleased shows. Most movie critics can’t stop talking about how much they freaking loved the movie Drive and how it was genius and blah blah blah whatever, but Paul and I didn’t see what the big deal was. First off it was marketed as a Fast and Furious, action style driving movie, when in reality there was actually bout 1.6 driving scenes. Second, nothing really happened… at all. Everyone just kind of stared at each other… like… all the time. It was really annoying. In all honesty during our review I did say that I wanted to give it another watch when it comes out to rent/buy because I feel like I wanted to like it, but just didn’t upon my first viewing.

BUT, one thing I specifically remember really liking was the soundtrack. It was an absolutely awesome, retro 80’s electronic-rock throwback sound which played along with the movie perfectly (although I didn’t care for the movie much). But the soundtrack I specifically remember being really bad ass. And now, good news. I just read on Collider that the soundtrack and Cliff Martinez‘ score will be released as a double vinyl album in June of 2012. And while that’s not awesome enough that it’s on vinyl, it will be released by Mondo with artist Tyler Stout designing the album cover and packaging. Yeah, who’s staring at who now!?

This is awesome on many levels. First, vinyl is far superior to the audio quality on your fancy-pants iPhone which uses MP3/4. Second, all you hipster kids with your skinny jeans love vinyl because it’s really cool and abstract and nobody else uses it or knows about it. Third, Mondo is awesome and makes really really ridiculously cool shit. Fourth, Tyler Stout makes some really really ridiculously cool art. And fifth, there is also going to be a limited edition screen-printed poster!!! Boom so there you have it, the bad ass soundtrack for Drive coming out as a double vinyl in June… now if only I didn’t trade in my record player for that set of bell bottoms…

Hey look, Jake was right. I’m just staring all the time.


DROP IT! Joel Kinnaman is ROBOCOP!

So my good friends, nay, my BEST friends over at Deadline (I can make up friendships if I want to don’t judge me. I’m friends with Snookie too, and that guy from the Old Spice commercials, I like to diversify my friendships) bring us the news that Alex J. Murphy will be played by actor Joel Kinnaman, best known currently for his role in the AMC series The Killing. And while he did have a pretty awesome performance in Safe House, I am not quite sure what to think about this. I am hesitantly excited as I like to say. I think there is a fine line with the character of Alex Murphy and Robocop and it could easily go from serious to cheesy real quick.

Paul and I recently discussed the news that Gran Torino scribe Nick Schenk was brought on board to write the script, and I think that is a great move for the film. Gran Torino had straightforward, visceral, non-apologetic, tell it like it is dialogue which caused some controversy and offended a lot of people (not me, I loved it!). With sharp writing, and director José Padilha bringing in some of that Elite Squad action I definitely think the building blocks are there to stay true to the feel and tone of the Robocop series, I just hope a somewhat younger actor can keep up and not drag down the film.

But what we are all forgetting is the fact that Joel Kinnaman played the giant douche-bag role of Skyler in the CGI nightmare and all around horrible movie The Darkest Hour!!! You can check out our review of that piece of crap here. But maybe if he can make me hate a character that much, he can turn it around and make me love a character too. We will definitely be keeping an eye on this movie and on you Joel… don’t screw up my movie!

OMG seriously!? The dude behind us is going to be Robocop!?


Roll 4 Deep with this Neighborhood Watch Teaser!

Stiller.  Vaughn.  Skinny Jonah.  And…um…that other guy.  Just the cast alone looks great (aside from that other guy, who at first glance I thought was Jemaine Clement.  Had that been true, this movie’s cast would have made my head explode).  As Jake commented to me today, and I quote, “Stiller and Hill might make the perfect comedic match,” and I tend to agree.  Jake also went on to say, “Paul is way cooler than me” and “I regret having never seen Cats live.”

Check out the teaser trailer for Neighborhood Watch below:

Not mentioned anywhere in this trailer, mind you, is the true plot of the film:

Suburban dads form a neighborhood watch group to get time away from their families, only to discover a plot to destroy Earth. -IMDb

That’s right: Earth.  As in alien invaders.  Probably not Nazi-Alien invaders, but aliens all the while.  Hmmmmm…As excited I am to see this comedic trio in one movie, this has the potential to get awfully zany awfully quick.