Ahhhh… smell that? It’s the smell of a good old action movie kicking down your door, delivering a cheesy one liner, and making shit go ‘splode!!! That’s right kiddies, it’s the first trailer for The Last Stand featuring the much anticipated return of everyone’s favorite action star, maid-banger, and former governor… Arnold Schwarzenegger!
Arnold stars as Ray Owens, sheriff of a quiet little border town called Sommerton Junction, where he has come to retire/get away from all the violence after leaving the LAPD due to a botched operation that left his partner crippled. But hold the bingo! Arnold can’t sit back and knit a lovely sweater for his illegitimate son just yet! The most notorious and wanted drug lord in all of the western hemisphere has escaped and is barreling towards Sommerton Junction in a “specially-outfitted Corvette ZR1” at 250mph, and Arnold and team must stop him at all costs before he makes it to Mexico!
I am actually really stoked for this movie. US directorial debut director Kim Jee-Woon looks like he has what it takes for a good ol’ fashion American action movie, and seems like he knows how to handle a good OLD fashion action star too. The trailer does a good job of blending some pretty sharp looking action pieces with some light hearted jokes that were always a staple of Arnolds movies, as well as backhanded humor in reference to Arnold as an iconic action star who is a bit past his prime. I talked about this briefly on the most recent podcast, how this generation really doesn’t have an action star, it’s a sad state of affairs really… So frankly speaking, I am excited for Arnold to come back and show all these wanna-be up-and-comer pretty boys how it’s done!
What I don’t get though, is why does the bad guy have to be the most notorious in the “western hemisphere?” I mean really? Why not just make him the most bad ass dude in the world? Why stop and say, “You know what this dude is pretty bad ass, but let’s make his bad assed-ness stop at the Prime Meridian. Beyond that, there are even MORE bad ass-ed dudes!!!” (Yeah so what, I had to Google Prime Meridian to remember what it was. What are you going to do about it!? You’re probably going to Google that one too right… about… now) Also, when did Johnny Knoxville become the go-to guy for a whacky half-red-neck half-idiot type sidekick for a sheriff/cop? Maybe it was just that one movie with The Rock and I always happen to catch it on FX or something, I don’t know I digress. Also, in all the write ups they keep mentioning this “specially-outfitted Corvette ZR1.” I really hope this is significant in some way (it won’t be), and isn’t just some giant plug for Chevy (it will be) because I won’t stand for it! (I probably will)
In case you were wondering, my favorite part of the trailer is the non sequitur towards the end when Johnny Knoxville asks Arnold, “Man you look jacked, have you been workin’ out?” Then the scene cuts to Arnold blasting away at something with a shotgun. Umm, sure guy… sure, that’s a valid response to that question, why not.
It is finally here, what all red blooded males (and Paul) have been waiting for… the full length trailer for Expendables 2! Or as I like to call it Explosion: THE MOVIE! Finally, after bickering about ratings with Chuck Norris and between old ass action dudes drinking their Chocolate Raspberry Ensure and doing their water-aerobics and the local YMCA, they have managed to produced a full length trailer for Expendables 2! Hell Yeah! (queue explosion)…
I really kind of rip on the first Expendables because I think it fell so damn short of what everyone was expecting. Lots of quick cuts on the action scenes (but I guess what do you expect when all your stars are pushing 60… and walkers), the whole movie was really dark it was hard to see what the hell was going on, and it just didn’t deliver on making a movie as bad ass as the combined bad-assedness of all its stars. So needless to say, when we first heard about Explosion: THE MOVIE, I was skeptical. Then the big debate over the ratings started and it was reported that Expendables 2 would be PG-13, or else Chuck Norris would throw a temper tantrum, and most likely some uppercuts. I told Paul, the only way Expendables 2 could be any worse than the first Expendables was if they really do make this PG-13! But they have since went back and forth on the rating and word on the internet streets is that they have landed on an R rating however I don’t believe anything is official yet.
So with all that going on, I was far from being excited for the Expendables sequel. Sure, we will go see it (we do it for you! You see what you make us do!?) but I was already thinking it was going to be more of the same. Then I watch the trailer, and what can I say… I’m in! hahah! I don’t know what it is I must just be a sucker for giant explosions, crushing cars with tanks, mercenaries riding zip lines, motorcycles jumping off ramps into flying helicopters, wearing awesome sunglasses, dressing like a monk, and smart cars… (hey, they are good for the environment). But something about it was awesome enough to where I think it will be a good time all over again… even if it is a bad time all over again (which it most likely will be).
New images are out for the ultra awesome, ultra hardcore, ultra old ass 80’s action stars movie The Expendables 2. The images answer the question everyone was asking after they first Expendables, and once they heard about a sequel… just how much damage are The Terminator and John McClane really going to do in this movie!? We got nothing more than a couple minutes with each of them in The Expendables. I think was a disappointment to everyone for how much the whole action packed cast was hyped up in the advertisements.
But alas, be worried not young fan of old ass action stars! We can definitely see from these images that they are out to kick some ass and blow some shit up! I mean, blow some stuff up… sorry Chuck please don’t karate chop me. I know you and Sly had a big argument regarding the swearing in Expendables 2, and I wouldn’t want to offend you. My humble apologies dear master of the roundhouse.
As you can see from the image below, Bruce Willis is making the “Jersey Shore puckered up lips for a cell phone self portrait” face while he unleashes hell on the bad guys. Sly Stallone is giving the classic “say hello to my little friend!” upside down smiley face while he destroys everything in his path. And Arnold is constipated… but none the less shotgun blasting the shit out of someone. Probably someone who was in front of him in the bathroom line.
EEYYE NEEEEEDAAA TO POOOOOOPPPP!!!!!
While that terrible trio is busy shooting up an unsuspecting office complex (an unsuspecting office complex that is no doubt highly involved in terrorist activity), we get a glimpse at what Mr. Delta Force himself has been up to. In this case, destroying the absolute shit out of a couple of parked cars. Jesus Christ Chuck, a note on their windshield would have been sufficient! Unloading all three of those clips might have been a wee bit much ya think? I can see it now, the owner of the car runs outside upon hearing loud explosions only to see his car blown to shit by none other than Chuck Norris himself. He yells out, “What the FUCK Chuck!? I leave my car for two fucking minutes to go take a shit, and first Arnold cuts in front of me in line, then him, Willis, and Sly start shooting up the whole damn place, and now you’ve ‘sploded my car into a thousand pieces!!! And to top it all off, is that a flat tire I see!?” To which Chuck Norris slowly takes off his awesome, purple tinted Ray Bans and quietly answers “Yes, and you’re welcome.”
Don't ever let you car look at me like that again.
The Expendables 2 is scheduled to open August 17th, 2012 in the United States of Mo-Fo’in America.
That’s right folks, the 1988 film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito is getting a sequel! And the folks over at Universal and Montecito Picture Co. have been working endlessly racking their brains to come up with a clever title for the film… and after tireless days and sleepless nights, tossing and turning, a 2 pack-a-day habit, and a couple games of Russian Roulette they finally settled on a title. A title I think might be the most clever title in the history of sequels. The sequel to Twins will be called… Triplets… (This is where you play the womp womp womp sound. Go ahead do it… I’ll wait).
But the name of the movie is the least of my concerns…
If you remember, Twins centers around Arnold’s character Julius who goes in search of his brother Vincent played by the always funny Danny DeVito. They are twins (get it?) as a result of an experiment; Julius is the perfect physical specimen and Vincent is a short small time crook. Arnold lifts up a car, sings funny songs, drives a car on two wheels, etc., etc., lots of hilarity ensues. I actually really like this movie, and I was totally excited when I saw an interview with Danny DeVito on Collider promoting Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax, and DeVito said he would be open to the idea of a Twins sequel! I thought hell yeah, be more sleazy Danny DeVito! Lift up more cars and be a charming womanizer old ass Arnold!
I was all sorts of excited. Then I read this news today from THR, where they provided an update on the details of the sequel. The movie will be called Triplets, because Arnold and DeVito discover they have a third sibling! ZING! WOWZA! How original… but OK I can live with that, I’m sure the movie will still be funny. But who will play this third sibling you ask? Well it has to be someone who can keep up with the physical presence and dry humor of Arnold and the quirkiness of Devito… someone who is on top of their game right now, someone really hot in Hollywood… I know… how about Eddie Murphy!!! (Go ahead and bring back the womp womp womp sound).
Larry, Curly, and Mr. Movie Killer
I don’t even know what to say about this… seriously I don’t. Eddie Murphy, the actor who was supposed to make a serious acting come back, who had about 15 minutes of screen time in Tower Heist, whose current movie A Thousand Words has a big fat ZERO rating on Rotten Tomatoes, who backed out of doing the Oscars… he will be the third sibling!? I couldn’t think of a better way to ruin this movie and for it to lose my interest immediately. Let me guess – Arnold is now a successful businessman, DeVito has turned away from the life of crime, and Eddie Murphy makes jokes because he’s black and they are white. The three of them have to go on an adventure to find their parents/scientists, get out of a jam, enter generic plot here, and it is funny because they are all different… GET IT!!!??? Oh boy, this should be one for the books. We will be sure to keep you posted with more plot details as they come up, but try not to be too upset with this news, that is my job. You concentrate on other things, and if you see someone begging for a dollar on the corner, tell Eddie you cant wait to see him in Triplets.