Does anyone know how to change a old phrase? Do I have to file paper work with the Government, or just start saying it a lot? I think I will do both actually just to be safe. Does anyone know the mailing address for the Department of Old Phrases? I want to change the old saying “nothing is certain but death and taxes” to the new Jake approved saying “nothing is certain but death and taxes and the fact that Johnny Depp will wear face paint in any movie that he ever does. Fact.” Anyone know how I go about doing that? Email me.
A new image has surfaced on the Internets which shows Johnny Depp as Tonto from the upcoming Gore Verbinski film The Lone Ranger starring Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp. You may recall that the previous image of Johnny Depp as Tonto showed us that he probably shouldn’t be the first person at the top of your list if you need a bird sitter. But what both pictures do show rather nicely, is Johnny Depps affinity for face paint… Jesus Christ!!! Is it getting ridiculous to anyone else!? Am I the only person who can’t stand this anymore!? I swear Paul is just putting out these pictures just to mess with me because he thinks it’s hilarious how much I get worked up over stupid Johnny Depp and his face painting antics!
I think at this point, Johnny Depp has instructed his agent to not take any scripts unless it explicitly states on the first page that his character will be in full face paint the entire movie. Actually, I am going to write a script called “You Get to Cover Your Face in Paint” and see if he signs on, ten bucks says he will. And I’ll even bet you he does the sequel “You Get to Cover Your Face in Paint and Helena Bonham Carter Will Be There Too.” Is it possible to file a restraining order on someone elses behalf? I am going to file a three way restraining order for Johnny Depp, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter. The three of those people and face paint shouldn’t be allowed to be within a 15 mile radius of one another. This madness has to stop people!
Anyways, back to the new Lone Ranger picture. So this time we see Depp with mucho face paint but sans the dead bird on his head. I am guessing after a couple days in the hot sun someone at the Health Department finally said, “hey… you know you got a rotten dead bird on your head?” so they 86’d the bird, or at least threw it in the fridge for the time being. This pic is just more of the same if you ask me, or at least it’s exactly what I was expecting from a Depp movie. I for one am not looking forward to this flick very much. I have the feeling Depps Tonto will be very similar to his Captain Jack Sparrow, but with a Native American accent and not a… umm, pirate accent. Lots of antics, distinct accent and odd geastures just underneath more facepaint. He is one step away from saying “wheres the rum?” in my book. But hey, I’ll see it. I guess I am pretty impressed though, that makeup really does make him look like a middle age Native American woman.
I hope this make up covers my pimple...
The Lone Ranger is set to hit theatres May 31st, 2013.
Image via Badass Digest.
Cinema Recon 