Category Archives: Banter

Roses are red, violets are blue, this is Quicksilver, and so is this.

In today’s “WTF OMG R U serious, like for realz?” news segment, we will take a look at some pictures released of the new superhero Quicksliver. As you may know, Quicksilver will be starring in not one, but TWO super-superhero movies coming out relatively soon.

First up lets take a look at the version of Quicksilver played by Evan Peters from the Bryan Singer directed X-Men: Days of Future Past… Now, I want to warn you, the images you are about to see may be considered shocking… 

Quicksilver

Oh no you di-dnt

Now I know what you are thinking but hold on… before you go throwing your laptop into the ocean and sending us money for bringing you this information, let’s provide some background. Days of Future Past is going to partially take place in the 1970’s… OK that’s enough background, proceed to make fun. At least he has one of those cool Samsung Galaxy Gear smartwatches… Man, he is about one Google Glass away from being pretty much the biggest dork on this superhero loving planet. Hey, Liberace called, he wants his jacket back.

Hey, I want my jacket back.

Hey, I want my jacket back.

Well that was brutal, now on to the Joss Whedon directed Avengers: Age of Ultron, which also has a version of Quicksilver played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Why do they both have a version of Quicksilver, and why is it a different actor and a different take on the character you might ask? Great question! I have no idea! Something to do with copyright laws and character rights contracts and shit nobody understands! But anyways, we all know and love the Avengers, and the Marvel Universe has such bad ass character designs, we can be sure we will get something better than what Brian Singer designed, right!? WRONG. So very, very wrong… I give you, Quicksilver (again)!

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Now now, we do know that most likely on both of these young lads there will be some touch up and CGI in post production so you cant really expect him to look like this in the final cut. At least, for Marvels sake, lets hope not. Jesus, he looks like the long lost Backstreet Boy who never changed out of his performance spandex after all these years, and who may or may not also have a crack cocaine addiction.

Well there you have it, two of the biggest superhero movies have two of the lamest looking new characters of all time. The only thing we can hope is that either –

  • A). There is a HEAVY amount of post production work to make them look awesome and not retarded.
  • B). Out of sheer coincidence, in both movies a bus falls out of the sky as soon as Quicksilver appears on screen, and he is killed instantly and we never see or hear about him again.

Whatever happens, I am sure both movies will be giant box office smash hits. And whether Quicksilver looks like he belongs in a boy band or… well, in a 1970’s boy band, you can bet your ass Paul and I will be first in line for both these superhero flicks.

Note – Interesting connection, Both Evan Peters and Aaron Taylor-Johnson were in Kick Ass. Guess its not that interesting but whatever, you don’t have to be a jerk about it!


IRON MAN 3 Review!!! Oh Yeah, and Hello Again!!!

So you may have noticed that we have been a bit M.I.A. lately eh? Well needless to say things have been busy so get off our backs!!! Just kidding, but there have been new jobs, houses purchased, bones broken and healed, jobs, vacations, holidays and just life in general! And while we may sound like children on the Cinema Recon podcast (Paul I’m looking at you), I will remind you that in REAL life we are very much responsible adults (somewhat) with boring stuff to take care of just like the rest of you! We are trying our hardest to get back on track and bring you more of what we do best… yelling at each other and drinking beers. And I think there might be some discussion of movies in there too, not sure.

Anyways, I wanted to take a quick minute to hammer out some thoughts on Iron Man 3, which I saw last night at the lovely Regal Cinemas San Ramon. Needless to say I was stoked for Iron Man 3, and so were a lot of people, after all Iron Man 1 was what kicked off this whole superhero fiasco that we see ourselves in. Iron Man 2 had a decent shot at being good, but in my opinion they just went too far with the massive amounts of CGI and all the different suits and huge incomprehensible battle scenes. But now that I think about it, I think there are ways in which Iron Man 2 is better than Iron Man 3… but we will leave that for another day.

Iron Man 3… where to start. To be honest I cant even remember how the movie opens… it’s Tony Stark doing something Tony Stark-ish… or maybe its with scenes of The Mandarin doing his terroristic threats. Anyways, I think the movie opens up on a very serious note, very heavy and very deep, and then it cuts to Tony and Rhodes just sitting at some dive bar having a beer, and Tony asks “so who is this Mandarin guy anyways?” It’s a total change of pace that immediately through me off. This was the exact moment I knew this movie was going to be garbage. Oh yeah, spoiler alert if I didn’t already say it, I think this movie sucked. They took no time building up the Mandarin or making him a serious threat to Tony… at all. Maybe that was for a reason to be revealed later in the movie? Yeah they reveal something all right… oh boy.

So basically Tonys house gets blown up like we all saw in the thousands of trailers, features, behind the scenes shorts, TV Spots, and every other damn piece of marketing that was released for this movie. I am not sure who had a bigger marketing budget, Iron Man 3 or the new Samsung Galaxy S4 smartphone. Anyways, so his house gets blown up, and the only way they know about the attack is because they see it on TV…. as they are watching a live feed of their own house on the news they see a missile shooing towards their house. Keep in mind this is AFTER Tony says their house in on high alert lock down because the Mandarin knows where Tony lives. So lets get this straight, the man with the most advanced technology in the world, doesn’t have an alarm system on his house? He cant tell when 3 heavily armed helicopters are headed straight for him!? I call bullshit. Hey Tony, I know a good guy over at ADT he can hook you up with a nice alarm system on the cheap. Tell him Jake sent you and you get 5% off.

So Tony falls into the water but ends up flying to Tennessee or somewhere that doesn’t really matter anyways, befriends a little boy (awkward) and tinkers in his garage because his Iron Man suit is ruined. He finds some clues about the bad guys and decides to invade the bad guys compound. This is where MacGyver… errr I mean Tony Stark does what he does best… makes weapons and escapes situations using common household items!!! So anyways Tony Stark invades the Mandarins compound using a modified Nerf gun and a gardening glove. I am not kidding folks I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!! CAUTION!!! I’M NOT PULLING ANY PUNCHES!!!

So Tony (obviously) defeats all thugs guarding the compound easily and finally finds the Mandarin!!! OH NO! TONY WATCH OUT ITS THE MANDARIN YOUR ARCHENEMY!!! Yeah… no. Turns out the Mandarin is a complete phony. Just some washed up drunk actor named Trevor Slattery who is just playing the role of this made up terrorist named the Mandarin because he was hired by Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce) to do so, in order to instill fear in the world so he can… do stuff, or, whatever. I honestly don’t even know. I literally don’t know why he was in this movie at all. There is no Mandarin, no Ten Rings, and as far as I can tell, no plot to this movie.

Anyways, Tony finds out that Guy Pearces character, this Aldrich Killian, is creating some sort of superhuman person by altering their DNA or something?Sure lets go with that. I don’t know actually, that was something else that was kind of just thrown in there. So he injects people with this stuff and it makes them glow orange and they burn really hot and are super strong and they blow up if they get too angry or something along those lines. Basically more stuff that makes no sense whatsoever.

So Tony goes to fight Aldrish Killian and because he has this agent orange flowing through his veins apparently he is a really tough opponent for Tony Stark. So Tony has to call on ALL of his different Iron Men armors to come save the day!!! THIS IS AWESOME RIGHT!?!?! Wrong. Typical marketing bait and switch. I know I was really excited to see the different armors in action and up close, see the differences of each one, ad what their specialties are. But this is something I also told Paul I was hesitant about.. having Iron Man 3 fall into the same trap as Iron Man 2 with 20 different Iron Man suits flying around everywhere during the action sequences to the point where you can’t tell what the fuck is going on, which suit is which, how are they different, or what the hell is happening on the screen at all. So Tony calls all his Iron Man suits, they all fight Aldrich Killian and his couple of glowing orange thugs, then they defeat them and Tony has the main face off with Killian. Somewhere in the mix, there is Pepper Pots (oh yeah she was injected with the orange soda concoction too, I guess I forgot to mention that) and she falls off a catwalk thing into a fire. So long, Pepper. So Tony is fighting Killian and out of nowhere Pepper is now wearing the Iron Man armor (yeah, they went there) and helps save the day, I don’t really remember. Then Killian reveals that he is the Mandarin!!! Oh ok… cool? Who knows, who cares. Somehow they defeat Killian and everyone is happy and then the movie closes with some horrible credits that should have been better saved for a remake of Shaft. Worst. Closing. Credits. Ever.

I think overall they just missed the mark on so many levels. Notice in my write up how I say “Tony” more than “Iron Man.” That is because there is barely any Iron Man in this movie. They (Kevin Feige and Shane Black) said they wanted to bring Iron Man back to his basics, where its just Tony Stark using his genius mind to build awesome things. Well you know what, we already saw that in the first one and that is why we liked it so much! Plus, if you want to do that more, cool, but don’t have him tinker around in some kids play shop and come out with some generic shit, it just looks stupid. Plus, no Mandarin!? WTF!!! You took someone who was supposed to be Iron Mans archenemy, a genius, and have super awesome magical power rings, and turned him into no more than a bumbling drunk washed up actor. And you thought in place of that, it would be better to have Guy Pearce glow orange and want to (enter any generic bad guy plot/motivation here) and then try to twist it up by having him reveal that HE is the Mandarin? Weak.

They had such great opportunity to make this movie a final and a serious installment in the Iron Man series but they just missed the mark every time they tried. The movie lacked the overall serious tone that it needed and I think that viewers were expecting based on how they marketed the movie. The plot had so many holes I couldn’t even tell you what the main story line was, the villains were unmotivated and weak, there was not very much “Iron Man” in Iron Man, and to be honest it kind of felt like Robert Downey Jr. was phoning it in. I think he is done with Iron Man. I think he had a great run but its time to hang up the boots RDJ, or more likely, pass them on to someone else to re-boot (get it?) the franchise in another 3 years. Also, after this movie I think its very obvious that director Shane Black should stick to writing action movies and not directing them. Sorry buddy, fail on this one.

In summary, as I said on our Twitter page… Iron Man 3 is like a bright new shiny toy… The packaging looks sleek and amazing, but when you open it up you find out that it was made in China and half its parts don’t work.

What did you think about Iron Man 3? Did it live up to its hype or fall short of expectations? Let us know in the comments!


First Trailer for World War Z!!!

Well, after the push backs, the re-writes and the weird rumors about Brad Pitt sleeping in cemeteries (he is such a method actor) to get closer to his role dealing with dead people, its finally here! OK, so maybe I was making up the bit about Brad Pitt sleeping in cemeteries, but I am not making up the fact that the first trailer is out for the Marc Forster film World War Z!!!

This one has been an interesting ride. The film hit a huge roadblock, or at least it seemed that way, when they had to bring in some other writers to help shore up its third act apparently. After watching the trailer though, I think its easy to see how this film could still go terribly wrong, in so many ways. First being, Brad Pitt was in no way not even slightly pissed off when that police officer broke his side view mirror on his car!!! COME ON!!! That would NEVER happen in real life!!!

My first thoughts when watching the trailer, are it almost seems like this was going to be in the same style and light as the Steven Soderbergh flick Contagion, where the movie kind of takes the issue at hand and looks at the more political and social implications of it. Now that I think of it, it kid of looks like World War Z is Contagion meets I am Legend… Yeah, that’s definitely what this is for sure. I am going to call this movie… I Am Contagend. (copyright 2012 Jake from Cinema Recon).

I’m not sure what to think about this one actually… I think I Am Contagend  will do well because Brad Pitt hasn’t done an action type movie for a while, so that will get a good draw. And lets not forget the fact that EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHERS ARE FUCKING OBSESSED WITH ZOMBIES FOR SOME REASON THAT IS KNOWN TO ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. So… there is that too. But I think the movie will be decent at best. Especially with a name like I Am Contagend… that’s just weird isn’t it? They should have went with a different name like Civil War Zombies, Zombie Revolution, or Robopocalypse… Yeah! Robopocalypse that’s a good one!!! Lets use that!!!

Check out the trailer below for I Am Robopocagend and let us know what you think in the comments!


Happy Halloween from the Peoples Hulk!

Check out The Rock, painted up all snazzy like for Halloween as none other than one of The Avengers himself… The Incredible Hulk! Raise your hand if you would have rather seen this version of The Hulk than that one thing with Eric Bana in that one movie… Happy Halloween!

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First Trailer for IRON MAN 3!!!

Whats up all you Cinema Recon-ites! Its been a long and busy summer and you may have noticed that Paul and I slowed down a bit… (I know I know, how selfish of us for wanting to enjoy our summer) but what better way to make a comeback than to bring you the trailer everyone has been waiting for (how ever long Paul has been waiting for it, I have been waiting one day longer… no big deal), the first Marvel movie after the huge success of The Avengers… that’s right folks, I’m talking about the brand spankin’ new trailer for Iron Man 3 directed by Shane Black!!!

There have been some set photos and some rumblings here on the inter-web about Iron Man 3, personally I am starting to lean more towards just waiting for the first trailer before jumping to any huge preconceived thoughts on the film, just mainly because so much of what you read and see on the internet can be out of context or have no credibility, or just the ramblings of some guy who thinks he knows movies and happens to have a laptop and internet access (hey, I’m a guy like me!).

But this trailer surprised everyone a little bit I think. They definitely Nolan-ized it with the third installment in the Iron Man franchise, making it “darker and grittier” a phrase I am growing to dislike very quickly, I can see Iron Man 4 now, advertised like a cheap cereal… “Now with 20% more grittier!!!” I think most people knew it was going to be a bit darker and more serious, but I think this trailer in particular goes a little further than expected. Plus, its got the awesome pseudo-dub step which is becoming a “must-have” in all of today’s cool kid movies… you ain’t cool unless your steppin’ in dub, at least that’s what my grand pappy use to say.

Personally, I think this looks bad ass. I am sure it will still have that sparkle that can only come from Robert Downey Jr., and his quips, but it looks like its going to have some more serious, kind of profound questions as well in regards to who Tony Stark and Iron Man really is, and what can and can’t he do, and his limitations and all that good stuff. My one and only concern at this point is the overuse of the Iron Man suit. We do see a clip of another type of Iron Man suit (that I am going to call Captain Iron America Man, copyright 2012 Jake). I am not sure if this is something that will be used against him or maybe on his side as something else that James Rhodes (Don Cheadle) can suit up in… but I know that one of the main flaws with Iron Man 2 for me, was just too many damn robots. Its like hey, if one Iron Man is cool, a thousand Iron Mans (Iron Men?) must be a thousand times cooler!!! Yeah… well, no.

For every other character like that you add on the screen is just that much more CGI that you have to throw in there and for me, I don’t care for CGI in mass quantities like that. So I hope that this doesn’t end up in another type of chase scene between two Iron Mans where they are flying through the city and blowing everything up again, because we saw that in Iron Man 2 and it didn’t work so well. Stick to the characters, that is what made Iron Man so awesome in the first one. A lovable yet flawed Tony Stark, an ominous and love-to-hate Obadiah Stane, and least we forget… Agent Coulson. And speaking of characters, we don’t get too see all that much of him but I am definitely looking forward to Ben Kingsley in the role of the Mandarin, Kingsley is the man so I have high hopes on this one. Give us great characters, and a compelling story and that will drive the movie. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that you have helicopters with machine guns.

Here you go, the first trailer for Iron Man 3, Let us know what you think in the comments!!!


AVENGERS Gag Reel is Superhero-larious!

The Internets were all lit up this morning when I went to check the various movie news sites, with a new gag reel from none other than the Mega-Blockbuster Marvel Movie The AVENGERS!!!

I think gag reels are awesome. It’s a great way to show the fun side of film making, and also to get a glimpse into some “behind the scenes” type situations, like Captain America not being able to pull on his parachute!

Check out the gag reel below courtesy of DailyMotion.com. I did notice some sites were already taking this down however so watch it while you can!

Also, you can listen to the Cinema Recon review of The Avengers here on Episode 05/13/12!!!


First Trailer for The Last Stand!

Ahhhh… smell that? It’s the smell of a good old action movie kicking down your door, delivering a cheesy one liner, and making shit go ‘splode!!! That’s right kiddies, it’s the first trailer for The Last Stand featuring the much anticipated return of everyone’s favorite action star, maid-banger, and former governor… Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Arnold stars as Ray Owens, sheriff of a quiet little border town called Sommerton Junction, where he has come to retire/get away from all the violence after leaving the LAPD due to a botched operation that left his partner crippled. But hold the bingo! Arnold can’t sit back and knit a lovely sweater for his illegitimate son just yet! The most notorious and wanted drug lord in all of the western hemisphere has escaped and is barreling towards Sommerton Junction in a “specially-outfitted Corvette ZR1” at 250mph, and Arnold and team must stop him at all costs before he makes it to Mexico!

I am actually really stoked for this movie. US directorial debut director Kim Jee-Woon looks like he has what it takes for a good ol’ fashion American action movie, and seems like he knows how to handle a good OLD fashion action star too. The trailer does a good job of blending some pretty sharp looking action pieces with some light hearted jokes that were always a staple of Arnolds movies, as well as backhanded humor in reference to Arnold as an iconic action star who is a bit past his prime. I talked about this briefly on the most recent podcast, how this generation really doesn’t have an action star, it’s a sad state of affairs really… So frankly speaking, I am excited for Arnold to come back and show all these wanna-be up-and-comer pretty boys how it’s done!

What I don’t get though, is why does the bad guy have to be the most notorious in the “western hemisphere?” I mean really? Why not just make him the most bad ass dude in the world? Why stop and say, “You know what this dude is pretty bad ass, but let’s make his bad assed-ness stop at the Prime Meridian. Beyond that, there are even MORE bad ass-ed dudes!!!” (Yeah so what, I had to Google Prime Meridian to remember what it was. What are you going to do about it!? You’re probably going to Google that one too right… about… now) Also, when did Johnny Knoxville become the go-to guy for a whacky half-red-neck half-idiot type sidekick for a sheriff/cop? Maybe it was just that one movie with The Rock and I always happen to catch it on FX or something, I don’t know I digress. Also, in all the write ups they keep mentioning this “specially-outfitted Corvette ZR1.” I really hope this is significant in some way (it won’t be), and isn’t just some giant plug for Chevy (it will be) because I won’t stand for it! (I probably will)

The Last Stand stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Genesis Rodriguez, Johnny Knoxville, Luis Guzmán, and Forest Whitaker. Much to my dismay however, Forest Whitaker is some type of FBI dude, and not the bad guy as I predicted in my previous article here when I first heard about this movie. Check out the trailer for The Last Stand below:

In case you were wondering, my favorite part of the trailer is the non sequitur towards the end when Johnny Knoxville asks Arnold, “Man you look jacked, have you been workin’ out?” Then the scene cuts to Arnold blasting away at something with a shotgun. Umm, sure guy… sure, that’s a valid response to that question, why not.

The Last Stand is set to open January 18th, 2013.


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