So the Internets were buzzing with thoughts of what The Terminator is going to be doing now that he is no longer the Governator of our fine state of California. Apparently driving the state into near bankruptcy, and knocking up the hired help got boring for the ol’ Austrian Oak. Word got around that he had taken his next project (not another maid) and was ready to get back into acting. We were all on the edge of our seats, waiting with baited breath (you like that one Paul, totally used your line) to see what the amazing action star was going to blow us away with this time. His next movie will be… The Last Stand.

Arnold will play the Sheriff of a quiet little town when all the sudden he is thrust back into action, and tasked with stopping a notorious drug kingpin who is on the run (in some sort of super-duper car apparently) and driving straight for Arnolds town. He is forced to assemble his deputies and get ready for the showdown, and make their… Final Destination. I’m just kidding, Last Stand.

The only problem I have with this, is haven’t we seen this movie before when it was called Walking Tall? Staring non-other than Dwayne “I’m the toothfairy” Johnson? Didn’t he have to defend his quiet little town against drug dudes who were ruining it? I’m sure that plot has been done before many times, but for some reason this time it really made me think of Walking Tall.

Now that being said, I’m sure it will be an action packed blockbuster and I personally, cant wait. Our generation is completely lacking an action star on Arnolds level. So I guess if we cant get one of our own, we might as well keep using him! I mean come on, 64 is the new 20 right… right…??? Holy shit I cant believe ol’ Dutch is 64. I think these days he is using more pull-ups than he is doing if you catch my drift (my drift being that he shits himself he is so old).

Hey look - Dopey, Sleepy, Grumpy, and a female (holding a tommy gun?) so the movie is politically correct.

The one thing that caught my good eye (pun intended for further in the article), is when I was scanning the cast line-up on IMDB, I saw non other than the Last King of Scotland himself, Forest Whitaker. I can only assume that he will play the drug kingpin hurling towards Arnolds town in his super-duper automobile. And for this I am thankful, because I cannot wait to see Forest Whitakers fat ass take on the 64 year old geriatric Terminator. Stay tuned with your ears for this one, it should be fun ladies and gentleman.

If you listened to the 10/22/11 show, you know that I was at a loss for words (for once) when I asked Paul what he thought the “W.S.” stood for in Paul W.S. Andersons name. His reply – Paul “Wesley Snipes” Anderson, which was just about the best response imaginable. So when I read that Taylor Lautner will be starring in an Indie movie directed by Gus Van Sant I thought I was going to have comedic gold on my hands…. comedic “shit-gold” as we like to say. Werewolf jokes, stabs at his horrible acting, and shirtless puns to say the very least. But after I finished reading the article on THR, I was just… at a complete loss.

I just cant figure this out. Lautners last movie Abduction was just ripped apart by critics, and its no secret that his acting is… ummm, yeah. According to the article, Lautner is “determined to work only with top directors and writers from now on as he strives to define himself as an actor.” Good for you buddy, good for you. But I hate to point out one tiny little flaw in your strategy, usually its a two way street. I would love to work with top notch talent too, but unfortunately I’m stuck with Paul.

Does the success of Twilight automatically entitle Lautner top notch scripts and directors? Sure he wants to work with them, but does anyone in their right-mind want to work with him!? I could see if it was a movie geared towards the same audience (13 year old girls/Paul) and they wanted him on board to sell tickets… but an Indie flick!!?? I don’t see his hairy acting skills (Werewolf… hairy… get it? Come on I had to get one joke in there) lending themselves very well to an Indie film. But I could be wrong, his skills could pay off if the movie is about people who don’t wear shirts, or about people who are horrible actors, or about a Vampire and a Werewolf fighting over their love for a human girl… oh wait.

Hey look, my face is weird.