Category Archives: Banter

Taylor Lautner will not act like a Werewolf… or an actor.

If you listened to the 10/22/11 show, you know that I was at a loss for words (for once) when I asked Paul what he thought the “W.S.” stood for in Paul W.S. Andersons name. His reply – Paul “Wesley Snipes” Anderson, which was just about the best response imaginable. So when I read that Taylor Lautner will be starring in an Indie movie directed by Gus Van Sant I thought I was going to have comedic gold on my hands…. comedic “shit-gold” as we like to say. Werewolf jokes, stabs at his horrible acting, and shirtless puns to say the very least. But after I finished reading the article on THR, I was just… at a complete loss.

I just cant figure this out. Lautners last movie Abduction was just ripped apart by critics, and its no secret that his acting is… ummm, yeah. According to the article, Lautner is “determined to work only with top directors and writers from now on as he strives to define himself as an actor.” Good for you buddy, good for you. But I hate to point out one tiny little flaw in your strategy, usually its a two way street. I would love to work with top notch talent too, but unfortunately I’m stuck with Paul.

Does the success of Twilight automatically entitle Lautner top notch scripts and directors? Sure he wants to work with them, but does anyone in their right-mind want to work with him!? I could see if it was a movie geared towards the same audience (13 year old girls/Paul) and they wanted him on board to sell tickets… but an Indie flick!!?? I don’t see his hairy acting skills (Werewolf… hairy… get it? Come on I had to get one joke in there) lending themselves very well to an Indie film. But I could be wrong, his skills could pay off if the movie is about people who don’t wear shirts, or about people who are horrible actors, or about a Vampire and a Werewolf fighting over their love for a human girl… oh wait.

Hey look, my face is weird.


Independence Day 2 and 3 will not Depend on Will

ID4 is sort of a special movie for me in particular.  It came about during a time when I could not possibly have been more excited to see aliens engaging in aerial dogfights with F-16s.  I eagerly anticipated its release and followed every bit of news I could about the film at the time (which was often difficult in 1996, without the internets!).  During the summer of ’96 I was also in the UK for a student exchange program, so I had to wait just a bit longer before I’d get to see Jeff Goldblum bypass the firewall and hack an alien mainframe (no simultaneous release overseas).  I can distinctly remember being at a London payphone and asking my parents to go see the movie just so they could tell me about it at 90 cents a minute.  Ah….to be 14 and in love (with alien movies).

Now all that being said, Independence Day is not a good movie.  Sure, people my age with similar stories may remember it that way, but upon another viewing, we understand that time is a funny thing.  Its like going back to Chuck E. Cheese’s when you are 25.  Everything was exciting, shiny, and fast! …Unless you are above 4 feet tall, then its all just loud.  ID4 had some great special effects, especially for the time, but damn, it is difficult to sit through now.  From cheesy one liners to slow motion leaping dogs…best to keep it on the shelf rather than tarnish your fond memories of the White House being demolished.

Now, 15 years later, I learn (courtesy of Vulture) that Fox will be making not one, but two sequels to ID4 simultaneously.  Great.  Fine.  I’m all for it.  I will not complain at all when we get two more summer fluff action films, since the original was just that: a summer fluff action film.  I’m actually quite surprised this hasn’t happened sooner.  …Or am I?  It seems the reason lies with the headliner, Will Smith, who had been seeking $50 million to shoot them back-to-back!  Bananas!  In addition, it is also said that he wants his wife and daughter in the films.  Now, if you’ve earned your stripes, and certainly Will Smith has, I’m all for you negotiating the heftiest price tag that someone is willing to pay you.  However, when you start sticking your fingers in other portions of the pie, like dictating how casting should commence, I begin to sympathize less.  Get a goddamn babysitter.

So now Fox is prepared to begin moving along with this project with or without Will Smith.  Which is good and bad.  I do like Will Smith, and I would love to see him dress in black and get jiggy wit just the two of us in the wild wild west while welcoming aliens to Earth, but that money certainly could be helpful in putting forth a better all around film.  Does Independence Day need Will Smith?  Or can it survive enough on name alone?  It would certainly be a big risk to have no Will, film two huge movies together, then watch the first of the two tank.

Either way, I will definitely go see these.  Unless of course I am out of the country.  Then I will call my mom and have her tell me all about them.


Hey look at the found footage I found!

If you took a look with your ears holes at the most recent show we did on 10/22/11, in the movie news section I was stammering over the name of a found footage superhero movie that I had read about. I was saying Carnival… well, it turns out the name of the movie is Chronicle (I was close enough).  It follows three high school teenagers who come into some superpowers (sweet find dudes!) and of course they have some fun by playing pranks and what-nots. But just like mom says, it’s all fun and games until someone uses their superpowers to drive a jeep off a cliff into a river and kill someone.

Paul says he is sick of the found footage genre, and I agree but it does look like they are taking some of the “shaky cam” out of this one, probably in an attempt to stop movie-goers from getting motion sickness and throwing up all over each other. Either way, I think this looks pretty damn sweet from the trailer. I’ll definitely have to keep an eye on this one. Chronicle is scheduled to release in ‘Merica on February 3rd 2012.


The Happening is… er, well… happening.

If you have browsed the awesomeness that is the Cinema Recon website you will know that we have what we like to call a “Shit List.” And it is, well, exactly what it sounds like. Movies that we deem to be bad… really bad. One of the movies on that list happens to be M. Night Shamalanga-ding-dongs botanical masterpiece, The Happening. But after reading this article from io9.com, I am not so sure it still belongs on there. Apparently The Happening, is actually happening!

According to the article, 136 students at Kompong Cham high school in Cambodia collapsed while they were all standing at attention as punishment (probably for not listening to enough Cinema Recon). Apparently a nearby bunch of trees, some being medicinal oil trees (silly Cambodians) absorbed all the oxygen and low and behold, BAM! all the kids all pass out.

I guess these kids never saw The Happening, or else they would have known to stay away from trees, and plants, and grass, and bushes, and Mark Wahlberg. But just because The Happening might actually be happening doesn’t mean we’re taking it off the “Shit List” anytime soon, but it does mean that if you find yourself near a Cambodian medicinal oil tree, hold your breath!

Psst... hey, come over here so I can murder you.


The New Pre-Film Chipotle Commercial I’m Embarrassed to Say I Love

On the upcoming show (Episode 10/22/11) you will hear Jake and I discuss a new commercial which Chipotle is currently running in theaters, prior to the movie previews.  I dare you to watch this and not get all sappy.  Seriously.  $1, on the table:

Somethin’ about the combination of little stop-motion farm animals and Willie Nelson’s perfect pitched voice makes me all happy inside…and then I realize this is a Chipotle commercial.


Jon Cusack is a hard ass military black-ops agent…

Just kidding, he will just try to act like one. Well, it turns out that John Cusack is replacing Ethan Hawke as the lead in The Numbers Station directed by Kasper Barfoed. Cusack is supposed to play a “disgraced black-ops agent…” I say “supposed to,” because if anyone can imagine Jon Cusack playing a black-ops agent and not burst into laughter I will give you $5, straight out of Paul’s wallet. Jon Cusack playing a black-ops agent? That’s like Morgan Freeman actually playing a character other than himself, it’s just not going to happen. Now I am a huge fan of covert ops type movies, but Jon Cusack doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who will repel down a cliff while shooting an assault rifle at incoming enemy helicopters. My guess is he gives away their position in ten minutes boombox style a-la Say Anything.

But I don’t know what I find more funny, the fact that Jon Cusack is going to try and play a black-ops agent, or that he is set to star in Frozen Ground opposite Count Chocula… I mean Nicolas Cage. That movie will undoubtedly be the acting equivalent of two monkeys playing chess with checkers pieces. You can check out the article from Variety here.

Hey look, I'm a secret agent...


Mark Ruffalo is Derek Zoolander!

As discussed in the 10/09/11 show, the headshots for the new Avengers film were recently released to Entertainment Weekly.  Amongst our constant laughing, you may have been able to tell we thought Mark Ruffalo’s pic in particular was…amusing.  Bottomline, he looks exactly like Derek Zoolander.  Don’t believe us?!  Check it out:

Uncanny….  If Mark can steer clear of any freak gasoline fight accidents between The Avengers and the eventual Zoolander 2, he may have a starring role in that movie as well.

You can follow this link to check out Superhero Hype’s article containing all the remaining Avengers headshots.