Tag Archives: Avengers

Roses are red, violets are blue, this is Quicksilver, and so is this.

In today’s “WTF OMG R U serious, like for realz?” news segment, we will take a look at some pictures released of the new superhero Quicksliver. As you may know, Quicksilver will be starring in not one, but TWO super-superhero movies coming out relatively soon.

First up lets take a look at the version of Quicksilver played by Evan Peters from the Bryan Singer directed X-Men: Days of Future Past… Now, I want to warn you, the images you are about to see may be considered shocking… 

Quicksilver

Oh no you di-dnt

Now I know what you are thinking but hold on… before you go throwing your laptop into the ocean and sending us money for bringing you this information, let’s provide some background. Days of Future Past is going to partially take place in the 1970’s… OK that’s enough background, proceed to make fun. At least he has one of those cool Samsung Galaxy Gear smartwatches… Man, he is about one Google Glass away from being pretty much the biggest dork on this superhero loving planet. Hey, Liberace called, he wants his jacket back.

Hey, I want my jacket back.

Hey, I want my jacket back.

Well that was brutal, now on to the Joss Whedon directed Avengers: Age of Ultron, which also has a version of Quicksilver played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Why do they both have a version of Quicksilver, and why is it a different actor and a different take on the character you might ask? Great question! I have no idea! Something to do with copyright laws and character rights contracts and shit nobody understands! But anyways, we all know and love the Avengers, and the Marvel Universe has such bad ass character designs, we can be sure we will get something better than what Brian Singer designed, right!? WRONG. So very, very wrong… I give you, Quicksilver (again)!

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Now now, we do know that most likely on both of these young lads there will be some touch up and CGI in post production so you cant really expect him to look like this in the final cut. At least, for Marvels sake, lets hope not. Jesus, he looks like the long lost Backstreet Boy who never changed out of his performance spandex after all these years, and who may or may not also have a crack cocaine addiction.

Well there you have it, two of the biggest superhero movies have two of the lamest looking new characters of all time. The only thing we can hope is that either –

  • A). There is a HEAVY amount of post production work to make them look awesome and not retarded.
  • B). Out of sheer coincidence, in both movies a bus falls out of the sky as soon as Quicksilver appears on screen, and he is killed instantly and we never see or hear about him again.

Whatever happens, I am sure both movies will be giant box office smash hits. And whether Quicksilver looks like he belongs in a boy band or… well, in a 1970’s boy band, you can bet your ass Paul and I will be first in line for both these superhero flicks.

Note – Interesting connection, Both Evan Peters and Aaron Taylor-Johnson were in Kick Ass. Guess its not that interesting but whatever, you don’t have to be a jerk about it!


New Trailer for a little film called The Avengers!

Hey, do you remember when you were a little kid, playing in your backyard? You’d be in your sandbox, or what have you, and have all your GI Joes fighting Cobra Command. Then, alongside your GI Joes, you have your Batman action figure jumping into the fray, only to have Skeletor inexplicably confront him on battlefield. But wait…what’s this!? Optimus Prime arrives to save the day! (and he’s also three times the size of all the other figures).

That doesn’t ring a bell? Oh…well that’s what I think of when I watch this new trailer for The Avengers. It’s a mishmash of superheroes/celebrities that really have no business sharing the same screen with one another, yet there they are! It really is a display unlike anything we have ever seen since emptying our old toy boxes.

Now I know the hype machine is on overdrive for this movie (seriously, just try to go through your normal day without hearing/seeing one morsel of Avengers). But still yet, one cannot deny the awesomeness of this trailer and the sheer amount of shit that is getting ‘splodeded (sic).

The Avengers opens in every crevice of America on May 4, 2012.


New Avengers bubble gum reveals EVERY SINGLE DETAIL ABOUT THE PLOT!

Well, if there is one thing Hollywood is good at, it is squeezing every single last dime out of something until the well has completely run dry. Then even after that, they take the bricks from the well and sell them too. Then, they sell the rights to look at the spot where the well use to be. After that, they start working on the second well, The Well: Return of the hole in the ground (starring Morgan Freeman most likely, or Bill Paxton… Bill Paxton would be good too I guess).

Within the last week or two the barrage of leaks has started with pictures and details from all the toy companies, costume companies, etc., on all the superhero toy lines that are on their way off the production lines to help market the movie and to help make them another buck. And while I’m not necessarily irked about  that, everyone loves toys, but Jesus there are a lot of toys out… You can see the Avengers Legos here, or the Avengers board game here, or the Dark Knight Rises action figures here, or the Star Wars action figures here,  or the G.I. Joe Retaliation action figures here, or the Avengers action figures here, or the Amazing Spider-mans Lizard Halloween costume here, or the… holy shit you get the point.

But what really pisses me off, is all these articles say “See the action figures here! Caution toy images contain plot sploilers!!!” …. really? … REALLY? How much can an action figure contain plot spoilers!?!? What is this the 1998 movie Small Soldiers? Are the action figures running around telling everyone how the movie ends? What could we possibly be learning about a 2 hour long movie from seeing a couple Lego building blocks! But upon looking at the images even more I guess they are right, I mean, I’m pretty pissed knowing that Captain America is going to have a hole in his head the whole movie….

Vroom vroom.


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